Publishing Contracts and Cum

I did it, you guys! I signed my first publishing contract on Tuesday! All of the drunken nights writing blog posts, the hours and hours spent writing. Followed by the frustration of query letters, and manuscript submissions have finally paid off. Fingers crossed, in less than a year I will be a published author.


My first full length novel came to me one day this summer and as soon as I started writing I simply couldn’t stop. The story wrote itself right before my eyes. I have grown to love the characters; in my house we talk about them like they’re friends.


The characters I love, and hate are all featured in book number two. I finished my first draft of that book this past weekend. I cannot express to you how happy I am to be able to do something that I love so much, then have it turned into a piece of work that others will be able to read and enjoy.


I am absolutely on cloud nine!


But my highs only last for so long and they are accompanied by so many, equally intense lows. Like this same week when I realized after I had sent my MS to so many companies looking to get it published, I didn’t even know the difference between cum and come. Do you? Let me explain, c-o-m-e to come, the act of, the action. You should say, “I’m going to come.” NOT, “I’m going to cum.”


Cum is the stuff itself. Insert eye rolling emoji here!


My husband came home from work and as we stood talking, I explained what I had learned. He burst out laughing at me “You mean you write mommy porn, and you don’t even know how to spell cum?” I almost died of embarrassment right there, don’t worry. He was wrong and didn’t know it either. While c-u-m is more vulgar it is accepted as appropriate, at times.


Why am I telling you all of this? Well because all throughout my first book and in all of my writing it was wrong, so hopefully that tells you how much of a miracle it is that I am actually going to be getting published! We all make mistakes, but this seems like a huge one to have made 104 times in a 92,000-word novel.


That’s right 104 is the number of times the word cum appears in my first novel. Is that too much? When is there too much cum? Is there even such a thing? I hope not. But apparently there is such a thing as not enough, because when I proceeded to tell my dear husband that it was 104 times his response was “That’s more times than I’ve come this year! …. well maybe not. That is like 2 times a week, so maybe.”

I laughed out loud, proceeded to roll my eyes at him, and pay for it. I chalk it up to book brain, which is another term coined by my husband. When he claimed that I attempted to burn our house down due to book brain. I did not!!


But I will use his term and love it, book brain is now my excuse for everything. I’m too tired to do anything because of my book brain.


As I spend the rest of my week editing the first of many drafts for my second novel, I hope to ward off book brain and remain on cloud nine. Happy to share with all who ask that I am actually getting published.


I want to scream it from the rooftops! This is actually happening people!


~Emmy Lou H.

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