A writer? Really?

I know what you’re going to ask next, “But Em, how do you find the time to write, and do all of this research and work a full-time job, with 3 kids?” Well, at least that’s what you ask next when I talk to you in my head, all 8 of you subscribe. (Welcome to you all, and yay!) I don’t. That’s what it comes down to lately, I don’t find time to write. I just told you I spent months diving headfirst into the BDSM and kink communities, I joined Discord servers, binged Podcasts and books. I engrossed myself in research, probably too much of it, because more than one time I heard my husband use the term “dog with a bone”. I thought once I started writing I wouldn’t be able to stop and in what, may or may not be described as a manic moment I spent roughly 2 weeks writing the first draft of my first novel 80,000 words in 2 weeks. I finished it, promptly started my second, threw that one in the trash, started the third and got 4 chapters into that one when I hit a wall. I hit my wall in July, and because I couldn’t write, not a single word. I threw myself into the research. When November 1st hit, and it was all over the internet that it was National Author’s Day and National Novel Writing Month. I saw red. I couldn’t write, I had used up all of my words, there was nothing left. When I did finally find inspiration, it was for scenes that didn’t fit into anything, scenes about what I had seen, read about and heard all while I scoured the kinky web. Do you know what National Novel Writing Month is? It is a challenge for authors to write a novel in one month, easy right? I mean I already did that in half the time, so it should have been a piece of cake. No cake here, the challenge for authors is to write 60,000 words during the month of November. That is only 2,000 a day. Today is November 30, (even though by the time this post comes out it will be December, stick with me) for the month my word count is, a grand total of! Ready for it? 3,000 words towards my second novel, this does not include my scenes. I sadly don’t have a word count on this. I was able to start writing again, my block gone, the fog lifting. I started to write again on November 29th. So I completely missed the boat, no novel for me this November and I’ll tell you about what I have written? Hah! There is this scene in Love Actually, one of my favorite Christmas movies. In this scene our heartbroken author who has traveled to a lake house to try to finish his novel is sitting out on his boat dock, looking for inspiration, I guess. This huge gust of wind takes all of his pages and blows them right into the water, his house keepers jumps in to save them and the entire time he tells her, though she doesn’t speak English and doesn’t understand, but he keeps telling her that it is all rubbish and to let it go. The book isn’t worth saving. Now the point of this scene is actually the exchange between the two, it is cute, adorable even. But the entire time all I can think is OMG, his work is gone and he is insistent it is trash and to let it go, it is not worth saving! That is where I stand right now, it is not worth saving people! So, let's circle back around to where we started, “But Em, when do you find the time to write?” I don’t and when I do I’m pretty sure it is not worth saving from the lake. But, I’ll tell you a secret, that isn’t the point. I don’t write because I want to win awards and make loads of money. I write because I love it. It is fun and I can’t not, well sometimes I can’t because of the block, but I can’t not write. I took David Mamet’s Masterclass sometime over the summer and he described author’s as being beavers, we write because we have too. Beavers chew because their teeth itch and they have to chew to stop the itch. Authors write because we have an itch and the only way to scratch it is through writing. The moment I heard him say those words I knew no matter what, whether I ever got published or my writing career died on the pages of my highschool newspaper it didn’t matter. Because his words told me the only thing I needed to know, I have this itch and that makes me an author. ~Emmy Lou H.

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